I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
