you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
