I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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