this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
