I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
