I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
