dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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