He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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