this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
