whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
