I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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