I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
