I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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