Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
