Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
