How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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