Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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