His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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