You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she woke up with a sticky ear
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
