she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
