a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
