My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
