i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
