drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
