Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
