basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
