i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
