I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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