How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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