dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
