I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
