Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
