he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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