Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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