You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize