how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
