I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
