i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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