it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
