He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
