Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
