just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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