He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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