I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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