I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
