I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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