I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
