pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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