you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
