I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
