I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
