One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
