I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
