I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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