whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
