i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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