So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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