i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
