erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
