so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
