She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
